Happy Kids, Happy Wife, Happy Life
Kevin Costner Sails Into A Milestone Year—Three Movies, Seven Children, and Six Decades Of Living True
Written by Gina Tolleson | Photographs by Dewey Nicks
“I was at your 40th birthday party, you know...” I reminded him recently at his 60th.
“Wanna go back?” he chuckled. We both thought about it for a second, and both shook our heads no, laughing in relief. He immediately asked, “You alright?”
And that’s the moment. The moment when you feel like you are the only one in the room, and he connects and listens. That’s Kevin’s real talent. You aren’t star struck, and he isn’t acting. Be prepared for a blunt yet thoughtful, straightforward response or advice. You won’t get patronized or an “everything will be okay.” But, somehow, just his authentic intent of looking out for you makes everything okay.
It’s a story that runs through most of the toasts and conversations from friends and family that evening, an intimate circle of an unexpected familial entourage. There are no other celebrities, actors, high-octane entertainment executives (his lawyer and agent did make the cut), or up-and-comers in the room, instead, it’s his three younger ones—Cayden, 7, Hayes, 5, and Grace, 4—gallivanting freely through a maze of balloons with people gathered from all stages of his life, including his high school baseball coach, elementary buddies, former assistants, his three oldest—Annie, 30, Lily, 28, and Joe, 27—and his wife of 10 years, Christine. He genuinely seems happiest and more interested in hanging out with this gang more than anyone else in Hollywood.
“I want my kids to see
that sometimes, you
have to put what you have
on the line when you
really believe in something.”
Fatherhood the second time around for Kevin isn’t much different than the first. The kids have always been a priority while he was making his career in film, whether it be coming directly off set and serenading Annie in an Elvis costume for her 16th birthday to showing up to every game, championship or performance for Lily and Joe, teaching Cayden and Hayes how to fish in the streams at their Aspen home or making coffee every morning and watching Frozen a hundred times over with Grace. “It’s not about if I have more or less time to spend with them at this phase in my life,” he says, “it’s more about can I still get on the ground and play just as hard and take them to do the fun stuff. It’s my children that are the ones who sacrifice when I go away to make movies. I’m proud and respect them for that.”
It’s his children that he wants to know that their dad wasn’t afraid of anything. And his latest project might prove it more than others. Black or White is based on the experience writer/director Mike Binder (The Upside of Anger) had in helping raise his biracial nephew. It’s Kevin’s second collaboration with Binder, and even though early on Kevin recognized the quality of the script, it became obvious that the movie was not going forward unless he stepped up and paid for it himself. “My problem is I don’t fall out of love with something, and when it looked like the movie wasn’t going to get made, I went to Christine and we made a family decision to back this movie from our own pockets,” he says. “I want my kids to see that sometimes, you have to put what you have on the line when you really believe in something.” The movie takes contemporary racial divides head-on, and Kevin doesn’t play it safe in character or at the box office. “We aren’t having real discussions about race in real life or in our culture,” he says. “I’m not going to run away from it, I’m running right toward it. There are things that get said in this movie that a lot of us wish we could say. It was important to me and Christine for it to be an authentic look at where we are with race issues today, and I think we did that.”
